Valkyrian Music

Band: The Porn Issue
Album: My Disguise EP
Release year: 2010
Genre: Funk/Progressive Rock
 

Sounds sexual, doesn't it? YEP!

The EP starts off with rasta speech  – starting the music off with “it’s da feel” before drifting into some smooth, slow chords and drums and tasty single bass notes. A fill leads it into a quick and funky guitar bridge before the bass and drums come in – bouncing everything up perfectly and it all just works so well. Everything is played expertly and it’s just so damn good to listen to. The guitar gets dirtier and goes into a little rocky melody/riff which balances out the funk. My one complaint would be that the guitar sound has too much buzz and distortion and it kinda takes away that professional and tasty sound that they had before – making it sound more like an early demo. It still works though and this balance between that funky clean style and this heavier rock style is well done. The song breaks away and there’s another quote – the same guy reading a bit from the bible, I think – before it goes back to that drifty slow section. The quick guitar comes back followed by the bass and drums which then leads to another dirty guitar bit. There’s a guitar solo next and the tone improves thousandfold for it. The solo is simple, but I really enjoyed it. It’s a really good song and each bit, especially the funky side, is very enjoyable. I must mention that there are no vocals in this song at all, unless you count the samples of speech, which you shouldn’t.

The second song, “Pauper’s Melody” is my absolute favourite off the EP and starts with heavy distorted chugs before going in the completely opposite direction, with swift clean guitars and once again tasty bass. The chugs come back before the previous move is repeated, this time with some vocals. I don’t know why, but I adore the vocals. It might be because of me growing up with music like this or relatives with similar voices, but I can’t stress my love for this song and this band. There’s a definite sad tone to the vocals and it’s conveyed strongly, intentionally or not. The reverb behind them works well and adds to the song, rather than just making the balance sound minging, like too many bands make reverb do nowadays. Everything stops for a couple more chugs before there’s a high up dirty guitar riff which plays over funky and interesting bass and drums. All are played well and, as I keep saying, fit perfectly together. The song then goes into another beautiful vocal section followed by the same dirty guitar as before which abruptly stops for a clean guitar break. The bass and slow cymbals come in. The drums shuffle in and the rest keeps going, making a totally beautiful outro.

Next up we have the song “Use”. The intro is acoustic strums before the song gets heavy. There’s an awesome melody and with the drums using non-triggered double kicks, there’s much to love. The vocals come in after a slow bass melody. These lack the reverb of “Pauper’s Melody” and it does sound a lot lower quality. There’s no duff notes or anything, it just sounds as if the vocals weren’t recorded to the same quality as the rest and there are slight things like volume peaks and drops as the singer has clearly moved toward the mic and back again. The heavy melody and drums come back in for an awesome chorus – double tracked vocals do make this a lot more powerful than the other parts and it makes it all sounds higher in quality. It’s very catchy, but retains that melancholic feel that was a part of the last song. Everything speeds up for a bit with an awesome guitar riff and a lot more double kick work. The vocals are also at a faster pace and again show up issues to do with recording. The last bit before the break is layered up and it shows how good it could have been if the double tracking had been used throughout this section. There’s a slow bridge of clean guitar before the chorus gets smashed back in. This time, there are variations in the vocal melody and ever increasing reverb which slowly backs the vocals out and sounds very good. The last 10 seconds feature a small breakdown that sounds good and fits well, except for the guitar. There’s a timing issue and the use of single notes on it somewhat ruin what could have been a totally chunky and fitting outro.

The penultimate song “My Disguise” is the title song for the EP. The song starts with a sad clean guitar melody with slow paced drums and bass underneath it. The vocals come in and are equally melancholic and are teamed with that same delicious reverb – sounding really good. The song gets heavier and the vocals then, again, sound a little badly recorded with the same volume fluxuations and there’s even a couple of times where the vocals sound a little strained. The feel of the song is conveyed, though.  There’s a small break before distorted vocals repeat “My Disguise” with a final shout of it before the chorus comes back with little double kick flutters and swifter sounding drums. I really like the plays with delay on the guitar in this song, too. A small solo uses this very well around the last minute of the song and that strange sound is captured and fitted well. This fades out a little and the drums and bass lead the song to its end, with the distant guitar trailing off.

The final song is called “Summer is Breathing”, which starts off with the sound of wind and rain, ironically. A dizzying note gets held over it all and acoustic guitars come in underneath it. The acoustic guitars carry the song away from the intro and vocals come in. After a split second, you can hear pops in the mic, which just show that the vocals must have been recorded badly. The vocals here sound the worst out of any others that appear on the EP and despite sections sounding decent – the ones with backing harmonies and drifting repeats in the background – the lead vocals do destroy the feel of the song. The bass, guitar and drums once again sound amazing and the actual music of this song is really good, the chorus especially.

That finishes up the EP. A completely outstanding piece of work most definitely needs a bigger audience. Emotional music, mixed with heavy sections and crazy funk sections is just genius and the sheer amount of talent present is just as impressive. The biggest issue would be the quality of recording. The lack of a pop shield and a decent vocal quality are very nearly deal breakers. However, there are some amazing singing sections over the EP and the bad ones are actually a surprising minority, it’s just that they’re not that forgettable. The guitar tone at the heavy sections could do with meating up. It needs to be trebley and jingly at the funky bits and a bass and mid boost for the heavier bits. However, these are all things that can be fixed with rerecording at a higher quality and not something that you can put against the band. Go listen to them and support them now, because they really deserve it. This is an astounding piece of work and there is so much potential here.

The decision was very hard – I’m absolutely in love with the songwriting and style of this band, but I’m to be reviewing and judging the EP – the actual material produced. I cannot wait to hear what else they bring out in the future and urge all who read this to check them out and support them. The Porn Issue are an absolutely amazing band.

4/5

Reviewed by Jobe Robin (Corvus of Morlich).

Related articles

• The Porn Issue – My Disguise EP [2010] (valkyrianmusic.com)
• Whitechapel – Recorrupted [2011] (valkyrianmusic.com)
• Sworn To Oath – Leave You For Dead [2011] (valkyrianmusic.com)
• Incassum – In Vain [2008] (valkyrianmusic.com)
• Spires – Spiral Of Ascension [2010] (valkyrianmusic.com)
• Taake – Noregs Vaapen [2011] (valkyrianmusic.com)

Band: Andraste
Album: The Secret Valley
Release year: 2011
Genre: Folk Metal

‘The Secret Valley’ is the debut album from the Manchester based folk metal band Andraste.

The album reveals an Ensiferum influence particularly evident in the vocal styles on ‘Sail Out Fly Away’ well as the catchy, ‘epic’ choruses on tracks such as the opener ‘Jotunheim’ and the guitar intro to ‘Shield Ring’. The use of the whistle in the tracks ‘Honour in This/ The Rights of Man’ and the ultra catchy ‘Enchantress’ reminds me of various Irish folk metal bands especially Waylander.

Highlights include: the aforementioned ‘Enchantress’, which is destined to attract the attention of folk metal fans with its Celtic melodies and good guitar solos infused with an epic chorus; and the battle themed ‘Forsaken Warrior’ which combines the epic elements of Ensiferum with the Celtic sounds of Waylander. Who would have thought that a Nordic-Irish combination would prove to be a winning formula for folk metal?

Overall, ‘The Secret Valley’ is everything that you would expect a folk metal album to be- catchy, epic sounding and best suited for a metal festival in the summer. I just hope that there is a place for Andraste in this overcrowded market.

4/5
Iza Raittila

Band: Austrian Death Machine
Album: Jingle All The Way (single)
Release year: 2011
Genre: metalcore

After “A Very Brutal Christmas” 3 years ago, Austrian Death Machine are back to spice up the season. In case you don’t know who these guys are, they’re a bunch of buddies of Tim Lambesis (As I Lay Dying) making fun of Arnold Schwarzenegger in a metalcore format. So it’s not a coincidence that this 3-track single has the same title of Schwarzenegger’s 1996 movie.

Don’t think that, just because it’s a parody, it lacks quality or dedication. In fact, the song with the funniest title, “Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies?”, has the guitar solo I like the most in this work, although all the guitar parts here are wonderful – by the fingers of Jason Suecof (Capharnaum), Eyal Levi (Dååth), Mark MacDonald (Mercury Switch) and James Gericke (Death By Stereo).

Lambesis has a little help concerning vocals – not sung but spoken, playing the role of… Ahhnold: Josh Robert Thompson (famous for impersonating celebrities as – you guessed! – Schwarzenegger) on “It’s Turbo Time” and multi-talented Chad Ackerman on “I’m Not A Pervert”.

“It’s Turbo Time” is a metalcore piece in all its glory, while “I’m Not A Pervert” it’s a lot more thrash. And “Who Told You You Could Eat My Cookies” focus on death metal elements. So all this aggressive music styles, performed by a variety of professional artists, combined with a hilarious sense of humour both on lyrics and attitude, could only result in a “must-have” to all metalheads out there this Christmas.

5/5

Renata “Pieni” Lino